Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
