The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
