You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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