My room smells like vodka and shame
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
