He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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