I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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