Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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