I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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