Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
