so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
