I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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