Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
its liver damage thursday
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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