Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
