im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
