I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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