He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
