I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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