Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
