Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
