Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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