Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
