i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
