i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
