Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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