I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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