Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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