After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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