We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
