im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
