Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love having hate sex.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
