he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
