If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
