peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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