she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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