When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
