Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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