No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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