You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
