the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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