I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
