Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
