Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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