he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
