i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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