Swine flu is the new snow day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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