My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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