I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
