i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
