we have pet lesbian snakes
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
