why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize