you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
