I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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