i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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