I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need to calm my uterus...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
