we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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