does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
