I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
