we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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