That's when you crack a 10am beer
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
