There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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