New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
