She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
