just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
