I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
