paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize