Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
