roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
