I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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