my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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