Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
