Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
