apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
