you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
