Duck Duck Cougar?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
