HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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