she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
