so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
