I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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