He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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