She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize