dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
