a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
