Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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