I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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