You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
