who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
