Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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