ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
