I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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