All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
