Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
