if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
