You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize