Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
