No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
