Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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