dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize