Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
