Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just high enough for therapy.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
