the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
