Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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