i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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